That's how far away my son is.
I woke up this morning to the news of the suicide bomber cowardly blowing himself up in front of Bagram Air Base. I also woke to the news that there had been American casualties. Now I play the wait game. The wait and see if the Casualty Assistance Officer shows up at the door. Along with thousands of other mothers, I wait. The wave of relief felt when you know it is not your child is tempered by the pain you feel for the mother that has.
I think that this is the second hardest part about being a military family. The uncertainty magnified by the distance. I no longer can protect my son, I have to put my faith in God to do that. But it is hard and it wears on you very quickly.
Most of the time, I keep a very upbeat and positive attitude. My son believes in what he is doing, he has been there and seen results. He has put shoes on a child who has never had a decent pair in her life, he has been in firefights with bad guys, he has visited orphanages and arranged food drives for refugees, he has seen the face of evil there. But he believes with his whole heart that this is the course we need to be on. This is the course that may provide the next Mozart or Einstein or the cure for cancer...if only the people are given the chance. He believes in the will of a free Afghanistan.
The dark side of me surfaces every once in awhile. It is a darkness born of fear. The fear of helplessness for my child. Is he warm? Did he eat in the past couple of days? Has he slept? Is he hurt? Does he know how much I love him? Does he know how proud I am of him?
So I wait. And I pray. And I believe in my son's beliefs.
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3 comments:
I know the answer to those last two questions. "Yes" and "Yes".
And I'm sure he's proud of you too!
Every morning I read the news and I check the websites to see the units involved in the latest deaths. I want to make sure it's not my brothers unit. Sometimes it is.
He was supposed to be home this week - before his deployment was extended to August. They could extend it even farther which would put him past 2 years. He said he's being bombed and shot at more now (in the past 3 months) than ever before... and because he was supposed to be out of there is still there doing 'overtime' now my family and I just have a bad feeling.
Every day it's reading the news... and hoping I don't get a phone call from my parents.
You should have a bad feeling, it is war. But you should also have the feeling of pride for your brother and his respect his choice.
I am very glad your brother is in a position to contact you and you get to hear his voice or read his words. My son isn't that lucky. I have heard from him twice since this deployment.
May God protect your brother and his troops.
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